Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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