I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
