She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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