Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
