It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
