Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
