Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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