Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
