It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize