Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
