when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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