K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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