You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
