He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My bed smells like the plague
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