I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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