'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
