i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
