Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
