Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
