one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
