its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
