Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
