Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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