Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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