the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
