he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
