I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
