whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
