I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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