I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
