thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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