I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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