STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
