I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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