dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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