Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
