Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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