there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
