My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
