Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize