SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize