There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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