We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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