I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
