What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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