My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
