His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
