No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
