True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
