Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
do herpes really smell.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
