I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm so fucking centered right now
I think I died a long time ago.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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