p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
