i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Panties = found
Randomize
