So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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