Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
