he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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