I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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