Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
