I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
