So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize