The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
