Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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